Living to Please Others

Watering The Seed Blog - Coach D. Jackson

When Approval Becomes an Idol and Validation Becomes Control

We don’t always see it at first.
It starts small — a desire to be liked, respected, appreciated. You want to help, you want to be useful. You show up early, stay late, and call it love.

But underneath that need to be “the dependable one” is often a deeper ache — a longing to be seen.
And when that longing goes unhealed, it morphs into a mission: to earn approval that was never meant to be bought.

You start saying “yes” when your spirit is screaming “no.”
You silence your truth to keep the peace.
You water everyone else’s garden until your own roots begin to dry out.

And before you realize it, you’re not living from purpose anymore — you’re performing for permission.

The Hidden Truth About People-Pleasing

Let’s be real — people-pleasing feels good… at first.
You get those quick hits of validation: a thank you, a smile, an “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
But what happens when the applause stops?

If your worth is tied to their approval, then the moment they withdraw it, you start to crumble.
Your peace becomes dependent on their reaction instead of God’s revelation.

And here’s the kicker: people-pleasing doesn’t just drain you — it distorts you.

Galatians 1:10 asks plainly,

“Am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

Because at its root, people-pleasing is not kindness — it’s a form of control.
You’re trying to manage how others see you, manipulate outcomes, and secure a sense of safety through someone else’s opinion.

That’s not peace. That’s bondage dressed in politeness.

When Validation Turns Into Control

Here’s the hard truth: when your self-worth depends on how others view you, you start controlling situations just to keep your image intact.
You over-explain so no one misjudges you.
You overcommit so no one feels let down.
You overextend so no one sees you as selfish.

But that kind of control is a fear response — it’s the ego’s way of saying, “If I can’t guarantee love, I’ll at least guarantee approval.”

The danger? You start robbing people — and God — of the space to authentically respond.
You’re so busy curating perception that you lose connection.

God doesn’t need perfect performances; He desires honest presence.

 “When you chase validation, you start playing God — trying to control what only truth can free.”

The Freedom of Serving God, Not Man

Now let’s flip it.
Serving for God looks nothing like performing for people.
When you serve God, you move in peace. You give out of abundance. You know when to say yes and when to step back.

Colossians 3:23-24 reminds us,

“Whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance.”

When you live for God’s approval, you no longer need to control outcomes — because His favor anchors you.
You no longer panic when people misunderstand you — because His voice defines you.
You no longer compete for love — because His love completes you.

There’s a peace that comes from knowing your worth doesn’t shift with people’s moods.
You stop performing and start walking in purpose.

The Dangers of Overdoing

Let’s talk about the “good Christian guilt.”
The voice that says, “If I don’t help, I’m not being Christ-like.”
The one that tricks you into thinking your exhaustion is a badge of holiness.

But even Jesus rested.
Even Jesus said no to crowds so He could be alone with the Father.

If the Son of God needed boundaries, why do we act like burnout is proof of faithfulness?

“If your serving is draining your spirit, it’s not devotion — it’s distortion.”

You don’t have to prove your loyalty to God by neglecting yourself for others.
Obedience doesn’t always mean doing more; sometimes it means doing less with more intention.

How to Shift from People-Pleasing to Purpose-Living

1. Get honest about your motives: Ask yourself, “Am I doing this from love or from fear of disapproval?”
2. Detach from outcomes: You’re not responsible for how others receive you — only how you respond in truth.
3. Rebuild boundaries with grace: Boundaries don’t make you selfish. They make you sustainable.
4. Return to intimacy with God: Let Him remind you that your worth was settled at the Cross, not through human applause.

When you stop living for people’s approval, you finally make room for God’s anointing.
And the moment you stop controlling how others see you, you start walking in how God called you.

Because the difference between living to please others and being a servant for God isn’t in your actions — it’s in your alignment.

One drains your soul. The other develops it. Purpose doesn’t need applause; it just needs obedience.

Reflection Question

So, ask yourself this week, Seeds: Are you seeking validation, or are you living in vocation?

“I’m done managing perceptions. I’m devoted to God’s direction.”

#PurposeOverPeople #FaithFuel #PeaceOverPerformance #BoundariesAreBiblical #ValidationVsVocation

Seeds, remember this: “Validation without surrender leads to control.” When you need constant approval, you start managing how others see you instead of managing your own soul.

“Validation without surrender leads to control. Surrender without validation leads to peace.”

Catch the full podcast episode now by clicking the link below, or on Spotify & YouTube.

“If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who needs the reminder that cycles can be broken."

Drop a Comment: How has people-pleasing shown up in your life—and what boundary are you setting this week to break the cycle?

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Download Podcast Episode: EP16/ People Pleasing: Servanthood VS. Self Sacrifice