Code Switching

Some poems aren’t just poems. They’re proof that a young person has been carrying something silently—and finally found a way to let it out.  A teenage girl—15 years old—read me a poem she wrote called “Code Switching.” She started with a definition that hit like a confession:

“Code Switching: when one tries to hide themselves to blend in with a crowd.”

Right away, I knew this wasn’t just creative writing. This was identity, pressure, and pain—put into words.

When You Change So Slowly, You Don’t Notice You’re Disappearing

In her poem, she explained she didn’t even realize she was code switching until her older sister pointed out a change in her behavior:
“This isn’t how you usually act.”

That one observation opened the door to something deeper—because code switching often starts as survival. It’s not always intentional. Sometimes it’s a response to environments that reward you when you’re “palatable,” quiet, agreeable, or easy to categorize… and punish you when you’re fully yourself.

The Pressure of “Not Enough” From Both Sides

She shared that she grew up in a predominantly white school, and that culture was what she knew. It felt familiar. It was her environment. But as she got older, she said some Black American kids—mostly girls—didn’t accept her. They teased her and called her “white-washed,” a label used when a Black person is judged as acting in ways that conform to white culture in order to be accepted.

And that’s the part many teens don’t know how to explain: it’s exhausting to be made to feel like you’re “too much” in one room and “not enough” in another. When you can’t win, you start adjusting. You start shrinking. You start editing your voice.  You start dressing differently, talking differently, laughing differently—just to avoid becoming a target.

When “Friends” Turn Into Bullies

As her poem continued, she described a moment that made everything painfully real.

In middle school, one of her white friends criticized the hair oil she used to curl her hair, calling it greasy. But what stayed with her wasn’t only the comment—it was the cruelty behind it. The girl touched her hair, smirked, and reacted with disgust—like her hair care routine was something dirty. That’s not a misunderstanding. That’s humiliation.

Bullying often hides behind smiles, “jokes,” and casual disrespect. And when it comes from someone you trusted, it doesn’t just hurt—it confuses you. It makes you question yourself. It can make you silent.

And here’s what I want every teen (and every adult listening) to understand: Silence in that moment doesn’t mean weakness.
Many teens freeze when they’re embarrassed or shocked. Freeze is a real survival response. Your body is trying to protect you.

But the goal after the moment passes is to rebuild what bullying tried to steal.

The Plot Twist: The Embrace That Changed Everything

Then the poem shifted.

After that “friend” walked away, the Black girls came—and instead of mocking her, they embraced her.

They showed her how to love herself: her hair, her skin, her features, her “chocolate.” They reminded her that authenticity isn’t a liability. It’s power. But they didn’t just affirm her—they equipped her.

They taught her how to respond when people disapprove of her authenticity. Not by arguing. Not by begging to be accepted. But by using clear, bold language—language that draws a boundary and ends the disrespect.

And that’s where her poem gave us a new phrase I’ll never forget: She called it “Language Switching.”

Not switching to blend in…but switching into a voice that protects you.

Bullying Isn’t “Just Joking”—It’s Identity Theft

Hair-shaming and culture-based teasing can be especially damaging because hair is personal. It’s self-expression. It’s tradition. It’s culture. It’s pride. Sometimes it even represents how you’ve been loved and cared for at home. So when someone mocks your hair, it can feel like they’re mocking you.

Bullying tries to plant a lie:

• “You’re not enough.”
• “You’re weird.”
• “You should change.”
• “You’re safer if you stay quiet.”

But the truth is:
You never needed to become smaller to deserve respect.

What Teens Need: Support + A Plan + A Voice

If you’re a teen reading this, or you love one, here are a few grounded truths

1) Name it.

     If it hurt, it wasn’t “just playing.” If you felt small afterward, it wasn’t a joke.

2) Practice one boundary sentence.
     You don’t need a speech. You need a line:

• “Don’t talk about my hair.”
• “That’s not funny. Stop.”
• “You’re being disrespectful.”
• “I’m not staying here for this.”

Say it once. Calm voice. Straight face. Then walk away.

3) Tell a safe adult and document it.
     Reporting is not snitching. Reporting is protection.
     Write down what happened, who was involved, and when it occurred. If it’s online, save screenshots. Then bring it to a counselor,

     teacher, or administrator.

Bullying grows in silence. It shrinks when it’s exposed.

Final Thought: You Don’t Shrink to Survive

That poem—Code Switching—wasn’t just a definition. It was a mirror.

It revealed what so many teens live through every day: the pressure to perform a version of themselves that feels “acceptable,” even when it costs them their confidence.

But the ending matters. Because that young lady didn’t just learn how to fit in. She learned how to stand up. She learned that her voice belongs to her.

Her hair is not a punchline. Her identity is not a debate. And real friends don’t require you to hide.

If this message resonates, I invite you to listen to the full podcast episode where we go deeper into bullying, confidence recovery, and how to set boundaries without losing yourself.

Because you were never created to be edited.

You were created to bloom. And share this with someone who’s being bullied or is bullying. 

#StoptheBullying #PeaceOverPressure #PauseAndReflect #SelfAwareness #PurposeDriven #GodsPlan #ObedienceOverApproval #WalkInPurpose  #HealingJourney #InnerWork

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